Gratituesday Product Review

I am WHITE.  I am so white I am almost blue.  Kinda like a cloud.  Being this way made me a perfect candidate for thousands of nightmare scenarios in school: Gym class, Flag Girl Uniform, class trips to the water park, any park, Spring, Summer.  Back then I there was  no Nicole Kidman to point to.  Everyone was tan. Oh, and it was California.  The girls I had to stand next to were usually short, beautiful, glossy black-haired Latinas with skin the color of the finest cocoa. Gorgeous.  I never had a chance.  I remember my first day of kindergarten.  Dressed so cute, long blond hair, I was ready to conquer the world. Then I heard the words “You are the UGLIEST white girl I have EVER seen!”  I found the nearest tunnel and hid until senior year.

In junior high, I wore sweats to P.E. as long as I could.  Inevitably, there would come a day when the shorts had to go on.  I would walk out to gasps. (Over-exaggeration.) My classmate Tana Moz walked directly up to me and touched my leg. She pulled back her finger as if it had been burned.   “I didn’t believe you were that white. I thought you were wearing pantyhose!”  She shook her head and went back to her friends.  I stayed to the back of the class.

So went the years.  Embarrassed for being so white. (Why is white so terrible??)  Sure I could slather on my mom’s QT, but that raised more questions, so I left it alone.  Oompa loompa orange has never been “in”.  Then, things began to change.  Skin cancer rates went up.  Fake tan products got better.  I became one with tanning creams, my skills of application unmatched.  Me, bronze beauty, whenever I wanted.  Bliss.

Today I am going to tell you about a tanning product I used for Easter and how it altered my plans. A bit.

I saw a morning news show that recommended products for getting the at home airbrush tan.  I was salivating.  The one I purchased was L’Oreal Sublime Bronze.  I chose it because the gal went on, and on and on about how flawless the spray went on and there was no rubbing in.  Just Spray…and walk away.  Okay!


Like I said, I am a pro at applying self tanner.  I am pretty good with a can of spray paint.  I love the look of the airbrush tan.  This should have been the perfect storm of bronzy-ness.  Nope.  My upper body turned out quite nice, only a few places were a little bit darker than the rest.  My legs were another story.  When I got up Easter morning to examine my handiwork I knew I was going to have to wear pants.  Most of the mist landed on the tops of my feet.  Specifically my toes.  Oh, a LOT got on the floor so the bottom of my feet were like a bronze statue.  I sprayed it evenly, but it didn’t turn out even.  It looked like I had been stuck on a lop sided rotisserie.  Well done in some parts, still raw in others.  I so wasn’t fancy.  At all.

I don’t know if I’ll spend another nine bucks to try this again.  At least I know my limits with the lotion.  It’s a bummer because I really liked the application process, and the color,  just not thrilled with the coverage.  Regardless, I am sooooo very thankful that the options are out there.  Apparently my white legs cause a lot of stress for people.


3 responses

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s