Gratituesday Product Review

I am WHITE. I am so white I am almost blue. Kinda like a cloud. Being this way made me a perfect candidate for thousands of nightmare scenarios in school: Gym class, Flag Girl Uniform, class trips to the water park, any park, Spring, Summer. Back then I there was no Nicole Kidman to point to. Everyone was tan. Oh, and it was California. The girls I had to stand next to were usually short, beautiful, glossy black-haired Latinas with skin the color of the finest cocoa. Gorgeous. I never had a chance. I remember my first day of kindergarten. Dressed so cute, long blond hair, I was ready to conquer the world. Then I heard the words “You are the UGLIEST white girl I have EVER seen!” I found the nearest tunnel and hid until senior year.

In junior high, I wore sweats to P.E. as long as I could. Inevitably, there would come a day when the shorts had to go on. I would walk out to gasps. (Over-exaggeration.) My classmate Tana Moz walked directly up to me and touched my leg. She pulled back her finger as if it had been burned. “I didn’t believe you were that white. I thought you were wearing pantyhose!” She shook her head and went back to her friends. I stayed to the back of the class.

So went the years. Embarrassed for being so white. (Why is white so terrible??) Sure I could slather on my mom’s QT, but that raised more questions, so I left it alone. Oompa loompa orange has never been “in”. Then, things began to change. Skin cancer rates went up. Fake tan products got better. I became one with tanning creams, my skills of application unmatched. Me, bronze beauty, whenever I wanted. Bliss.

Today I am going to tell you about a tanning product I used for Easter and how it altered my plans. A bit.

I saw a morning news show that recommended products for getting the at home airbrush tan. I was salivating. The one I purchased was L’Oreal Sublime Bronze. I chose it because the gal went on, and on and on about how flawless the spray went on and there was no rubbing in. Just Spray…and walk away. Okay!

Sublime?

Like I said, I am a pro at applying self tanner. I am pretty good with a can of spray paint. I love the look of the airbrush tan. This should have been the perfect storm of bronzy-ness. Nope. My upper body turned out quite nice, only a few places were a little bit darker than the rest. My legs were another story. When I got up Easter morning to examine my handiwork I knew I was going to have to wear pants. Most of the mist landed on the tops of my feet. Specifically my toes. Oh, a LOT got on the floor so the bottom of my feet were like a bronze statue. I sprayed it evenly, but it didn’t turn out even. It looked like I had been stuck on a lop sided rotisserie. Well done in some parts, still raw in others. I so wasn’t fancy. At all.

I don’t know if I’ll spend another nine bucks to try this again. At least I know my limits with the lotion. It’s a bummer because I really liked the application process, and the color, just not thrilled with the coverage. Regardless, I am sooooo very thankful that the options are out there. Apparently my white legs cause a lot of stress for people.