For many moons I have wondered what a certain feeling is. How can I describe it…hmmm….it’s like a stomach churny thing, with mild belching. It usually happens when someone I am friends with has good news, has crocheted something, wins the lotto, gets a free home remodel, groceries for 10 dollars. They share, I gush. Then, I go home and think about it. First excited and then kinda antsy. I would scratch my head and think. “What is that?” After a few Facebook posts from the blessed person, I go from fizzy to flameballs. Something that makes me so happy over the moon for someone else, slowly starts to make me feel kinda…jealous. OMGosh. I am jealous!
I AM A JEALOUS PERSON! OKAY? Sweet relief, I said it. It’s bad! Do I dare speak how bad it is? Why not. I thought it was being slightly competitive. Then I thought, maybe, I just really like all the stuff the other person is doing. Uh-no. It’s because I am ugly inside and jealous of everything! I want to be a super couponer! I want to have seven kids. I want to homeschool! I want to crochet and craft all day! I want to have an awesome website with grain free recipes, because I am grain free. I want to invent a device that cancels out all other devices while baking a 10 tiered chocolate cake.
And, and, and you know what??? I am the worst KIND of jealous person. I blog about how unnecessary it is to be SUPERMOM, all while crocheting my cape! I am a self enabler! “It’s okay, we all struggle with jealousy.” Well, I am exposing it. I need help, prayer, songs, and poems. If you know me, I have been jealous of you at one time or another. Yeah I admit it.
Don’t hate. It’s not like I am sitting around thinking of ways to destroy people. It’s not a “death list” kind of jealous. It’s more like a “boo hoo- I’ll NEVER be as good as so and so!!!” (stomps feet). I am a brat. I can admit that too.
Now that its out there, I want to defeat it. It’s kept me from FULLY being an AMAZING friend.