Uh Oh. Confession time.

For many moons I have wondered what a certain feeling is.  How can I describe it…hmmm….it’s like a stomach churny thing, with mild belching.  It usually happens when someone I am friends with has good news, has crocheted something,  wins the lotto, gets a free home remodel, groceries for 10 dollars.  They share, I gush.  Then, I go home and think about it.  First excited and then kinda antsy.  I would scratch my head and think. “What is that?”  After a few Facebook posts from the blessed person, I go from fizzy to flameballs.   Something that makes me so happy over the moon for someone else, slowly starts to make me feel kinda…jealous.  OMGosh.  I am jealous!

I AM A JEALOUS PERSON!  OKAY?  Sweet relief, I said it.  It’s bad!  Do I dare speak how bad it is?  Why not.  I thought it was being slightly competitive.  Then I thought, maybe, I just really like all the stuff the other person is doing. Uh-no.  It’s because I am ugly inside and jealous of everything!  I want to be a super couponer!  I want to have seven kids.  I want to homeschool!  I want to crochet and craft all day!  I want to have an awesome website with grain free recipes, because I am grain free.  I want to invent a device that cancels out all other devices while baking a 10 tiered chocolate cake.

And, and, and you know what???  I am the worst KIND of jealous person.  I blog about how unnecessary it is to be SUPERMOM, all while crocheting my cape!  I am a self enabler!  “It’s okay, we all struggle with jealousy.”  Well, I am exposing it.  I need help, prayer, songs, and poems.   If you know me, I have been jealous of you at one time or another.  Yeah I admit it.

Don’t hate.  It’s not like I am sitting around thinking of ways to destroy people.  It’s not a “death list” kind of jealous.  It’s more like a “boo hoo- I’ll NEVER be as good as so and so!!!”  (stomps feet).  I am a brat.  I can admit that too.

Now that its out there, I want to defeat it.  It’s kept me from FULLY being an AMAZING friend.

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2 responses

  1. This is big. So big. Because you know everyone has been jealous at some point (did you read the blog post Stef wrote about me. WHOA.) I mean come ON. We’re HUMAN. It’s when that jealousy robs us of our ability to be happy for THEM that it’s a problem. There’s this lady that crochets the most GORGEOUS afghans. I mean REALLY. And she tells what kind of yarn and how much. And I did the math and I was like OMG YOU SPENT $300 ON AN AFGHAN WHAT THE HOLYHELL. But really I was just jealous because if I had $300 I’d totally do it to. :-/

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