Well, I didn’t make it. A thirty day flippin fast from the internet and I couldn’t make it. Sure there were extenuating circumstances, but still. I failed. I was sooooo lonely for Facebook. Sad. What an eye opener. I have no tangible friendships. I live too far away from them, or they are too new for me to call up and whine, thus putting them off.
Jon also had an epic relapse. I say had but not really. He is still in the middle of sorting it out. I jumped into the familiar pattern of sounding the alarm and then curling up into the fetal position. That was working as well as it has been all these years until my mom called me and told me the problem is me. I am an enabler. Yep, after getting hurt and looking up all the definitions (Again, really? This is like a broken record.) to prove her wrong, I had an epiphany. Even though I am not doing most of the things that qualify one as an enabler, I am doing some. If I am doing some, I might as well be doing them all. I am making life pretty easy for Jon. That has to stop.
I make threats. I don’t follow through immediately. By the time I am able to follow through financially, Jon is Mr. Golden Boy, so I stay. Now we are in such dire financial straits, I have no business making them at all. Unless I am walking out the door with bags and kids in tow, threats are useless. Threats are especially dumb to make when I so desperately want to keep my family together. I have created a lot of stress for myself. Now comes the slow mountain climb of re-learning detachment and how not to enable. Literally, I have to put first things first. I have to let go of my obsession with Jon’s drinking and let God deal with him.
I also have to let my obsessions with other people go as well. I get so hung up on what people are doing wrong. I want to fix everyone. I want them to fix themselves. Good grief. They don’t need me or my fixing, when I am clearly broken. I’ve got to let them go and let God deal with them as well. I read to0 much gossip. I care too much about what the Kardashians are doing. I’m trying to fix me, really I am. So, please, bear with me. I come from a place of extreme care, not hate. If I have come off as hateful, I am so very sorry.
As long as you are here, I might as well fill you in on what I have been up to.
We had the best Christmas we could. See, we have a house fly problem of biblical proportions. Thousands on the outside of the house, hundreds on the inside. Believe me, we have tried everything. Our only option left on the table is moving. Because. Of. Flies. It’s so gross. Several times I have poured a cup of joe, turned to get the milk from the fridge and BAM, a fly is doing the backstroke in my mug! When a meal is served, we have to cover it in napkins like we are at an indoor July 4th picnic! I hate to confess this, but I have had to tell Jon that I refuse to cook in the kitchen because several flies flew out of the fridge. Not eating at home gets expensive. The flies fly around like tiny drunks. They end up in my hair, they dive into my eyes. When I walk and swing my hands like an ape, flies hitch a ride on my swinging palm. Jon runs the shop vac for an hour when he gets home at night. Its ridiculous.
For Christmas I got a pitchfork. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband gave me a pitchfork and a Case knife. I am well equipped for farm life. I also received some crafty goodness. I might have also become a little bit obsessed with a video game involving magic and dragons. Whoops. Without further ado, here are some Christmas/Break Time highlights.
Crafty books. I can’t wait to dig into them!