Fly Me To The Mother Flippin Moon

Well we are at week 20 kabillion with the flies.  After searching through most of the searchable nooks and crannies we have found…nothing.  Zero.  No rhyme or reason to these stupid flies.  I’ve forgotten, have I expressed my disdain for the flies on the blog?  Or have I just been complaining to my mom and Facebook?  Hmmm.

Here’s the skinny on the flies.

Since last February (2011) we noticed a teensy little fly “issue”.  The outside of the house would be covered with them and the inside would have a highly annoying number, but it was manageable.  Oh how far we have come since then!  Now, the outside number is manageable and the inside number is #&$&#!!!  Holy CROW it’s driving us all bat poopsie!  They come in wave after wave.  A few months ago we would get a two week break, then BAM, more flies.  Now they just seem to die down a little and come right back.  We have considered moving out of the house, or burning it to the ground.  BECAUSE OF FLIES.  This is not normal.

Things we have done: Sprays, strips, bait, called a bug guy, cried, cleaned, crawled under the house, looked in the attic.

Things we have NOT done:  Torn off all the siding, torn out all the dry wall, demolished the chimney, searched property for pyramids or a Hebrew encampment.  (You know, cuz, maybe we’re closet Egyptians and this fly business is a plague.)

My husband vacuums in the morning and in the evening.  He is Obi Wan with the vacuum.  He mutters about the flies.  Slams doors because of flies.  If something doesn’t change, something is gonna happen. It won’t be pretty. What about our landlords???  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pray.  Pray hard.  Now.  Please.

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End This Trend.

 

I am going to start blogging about things that really annoy me.  I have written about owls, chevrons and motivational pins on Pinterest.  Today, I am calling out home decor magazines, craft stores and well intentioned decorators who just want to give a room a little whimsy.

Words.  Giant words.  Giant painted letters that form words that tell you what to do.  Peppered throughout the home.  In the dining room, SIT.  In the kitchen, EAT.  In the entryway, HELLO.  In the bedroom, RELAX, UNWIND, or BREATHE.  In the bathroom, SPA, WASH, or CLEAN.  What the???  Don’t tell me what to do!  How rude!  I don’t need directions, I am not that old, stupid, or unruly.   When I rise in the morning do I really need to be reminded to breathe?  This trend is obnoxious because it shirks honesty.  Those are words pasted up as a reminder of what a winners home should embody.  Too bad I am a loser.

My words would be DIRT in the entryway, SPILLED in the dining room, FART, EW or HAIR in the bathroom, HEADACHE, TIRED or #&$^#&!!! in the bedroom.  So, please save your words.  They only add to my constant woe.

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