Woah. Just woah.
I have mouth issues. My tonsils get rocks in them. I have caves in my tonsils where rock building creatures live. It’s gross. Pairing that with the bumps on my head, I am one step away from being the Sea Hag from Popeye. Ewwwwwww!
In an effort to try to find a healthy balance of mouth bacteria I searched the internets for ideas. I stumbled across some posts about oil pulling. The list of benefits was long and luxurious, so I tried it.
I took a tablespoon of sunflower oil and put it in my mouth. I swished and swished and swished. Each post I read agreed that the time of swishing should be about 20 minutes. I made it the first time about five minutes. The oil mixed with my saliva forming some sort of bubbly grease blob in my mouth. I fought the urge to vomit. I fought the urge to spit. I fought the urge to slap myself. (ANOTHER blog induced suggestion had sucked me in!) I ran to the bathroom and spit out the mess. I rinsed my mouth out with water about 50 times and contemplated my next move. Give up? Try again? I tried again and set the kitchen timer. I washed dishes. I mentally sang songs. I told myself it wasn’t so bad. I tried to keep the oil from touching my tongue too much. I swished gently. My face began to tremble. My stomach turned.
When I had one minute left, Levi pooped his pants. Oh sweet excuse! I closed my eyes and spit out the mess again. Seeing it would have ensured my throwing up. I rinsed it down the drain and swished with water again. After cleaning up Levi, I went to brush my teeth and get the last bit of oil out of my mouth. I brushed, then smiled. My gums were healthy pink, but my teeth were GLEAMING! What the….? Wow.
Still, not worth it. Nope. Gross.
Well, maybe I COULD try it again, you know, before I have to go somewhere fancy and I need ultra bright teeth.
I won’t post any links for oil pulling. Google it. Try it. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s a very slimy sensation and holding it in the mouth for 20 minutes is really hard. Blech.