A couple of years have now passed and I imagine myself to have enough clout to write on the business of blogging.
Blogging. Blogging. Blog. The word used to bring me such excitement! Such drive! Inspired ambition! Life became the stage and I the critic. All performances catalogued, reviewed, sealed with a snapshot. In the beginning there was blogging and I awoke daily to the challenge of networking. I poured over similar blogs, popular blogs, dream blogs. I left comments, posted links to my site. I relished the growing number that appeared daily in my statistic bar. I asked for advice on growing my blog. I sought out ways to make a little money. I dreamed of being Pioneer Woman.
I banked it all on the fact that if I could just get my words out there for five years, I would gather a sort of cult following. My family was quirky, messy, and supreme enough to get noticed. I am intelligent, witty, and hilarious…that makes my opinion WORTH something. Word of blog had only to spread and all my dreams would come true.
Then I began to notice…I am a dime a dozen. Everyone and their mother is blogging about the same things. Children who annoy them. Family members who annoy them. Pregnancies. Marriage. Crafting. Cooking. Cleaning. Politics. We are all self appointed despots with a “message”.
Suddenly, I felt a small needling in my ribs. What is my blog? A mish mash of other blogs, stuck in the Master Format of Blogging Perfection? Blog. Blogging. Blogging. The word began to sound more like a belch accompanied by mornings breakfast. Sour.
I spent a huge amount of money for the “real blogger camera”. I WOULD have spent more, had I had the money. In fact, it bothered me that I didn’t have the Nikon D90 longer than I would like to admit. I could not walk outside, or do something with my children without obsessing over a photo op. The pictures were there only to say, “Look at me! I am a good mother. I am worthy! Tell me I am worthy!” It was like high school all over again.
High school. Blech. Competing with people who never gave a darn and who have even less bearing on my life now. Not something I want to repeat. Ever.
So what does an aspiring blogger who is suddenly disaffected with blogging do? Do I lay it aside? Do I keep going, but this time with eyes wide open and ears pricked? Do I write what I want, how I want, when I want and not give a rip about who is reading? Wordless Wednesday, Flashback Friday, and Gratituesday be damned! If I want to put up 20 pictures, or not, while I am cooking, I can. Do I step out of the shackles that are chained to an anvil marked “Waiting For The World’s Approval”?
For now, I am thinking. I will keep thinking. About the big stuff. What do I want to be a part of? Who am I trying to be? Does the world tell me who I am? Am I who God wants me to be? What is the role I was meant to play in His world? Am I helping my fellow man, or standing on his head? Am I leaking love all over the place, so much so that it gets on other people?
That’s the big stuff. For those things…keep your camera in the case. Just open your arms. Wide.