Hard work is…well, hard.

“Repeal that [welfare] law, and you will soon see a change in their manners. … Six days shalt thou labor, though one of the old commandments long treated as out of date, will again be looked upon as a respectable precept; industry will increase, and with it plenty among the lower people; their circumstances will mend, and more will be done for their happiness by inuring them to provide for themselves, than could be done by dividing all your estates among them.” Benjamin Franklin

Yesterday I had the pleasure of reading a blog post that got my countrifried brain whirling.  If you have a moment head on over to mommabare.com and READ it.  I highly recommend it because it’s the truth. Go there now, and then come back and I’ll talk at you.

See?  Right?

Now, imagine me, mulling over all of that in my head all day yesterday.  I thought about my three pregnancies and how very different they were.  So very different, but all with the same dread and apprehension about labor and delivery.  My first experience, was rapid, drug free, and woahwhatjusthappened.  I was 19, did all of my laboring at home in bed.  (I had NO idea I was in labor. I just would get uncomfortable and adjust myself until I felt better.)  When I noticed these weird tight ripples across my stomach were happening fairly regularly and rapidly, I got scared.  I woke my mom and we FLED to go get my friend Jen, and rush to the hospital.  I remember we had to wait for a TRAIN!  As soon as I crossed the threshold of the hospital, my fear skyrocketed and for the first time, things became PAINFUL.  Really.  I had to stop every ten feet in the hallway for a contraction.  By the time they got me in a room, hooked up, and checked me, I was ready to push.  Forty minutes after my arrival, I was a teenage mom.

Fast forward TWELVE years.  My second pregnancy was textbook.  At 37.5 weeks I went in for a weekly check.  We set an induce date.  My OB would have done anything I wanted.  Even a voluntary c section.  (cray-zay!)  By the way, no OB should be as good looking as this guy was.  I remember when he checked me it hurt so bad I wanted to kick his head off.  I was in a panic because I thought it was related to the cervical problems I was having.  (Yeah, please vaccinate your daughters.  Cancer scares while pregnant suck.)  On the way home, I began having mild contractions that lasted all day.  I called the doctor’s office and they told me to go in to the hospital.  I was barely 3 centimeters.  My OB broke my water, said I could have an epidural and pitocin whenever I wanted.  Later one of the nurses told me he probably stripped my membranes at the office.  Okay, that would explain the lightning bolt of pain!  I had an epidural that made me numb for twelve hours.  When Gideon was born I had expected an 8 pound baby (I was assured he was already that big).  He was 6 lbs 13oz.  The doctor literally said and I quote, “Oh shit.”

With Levi, I had to go on bed rest early.  I had to have a steroid injection to develop his lungs.  I was told if I made it to 30 weeks it would be a miracle.  Well, my cervix never budged again.  I had to go through months of stress tests.  Twice a week.  Only to go to 41 weeks.  (New OB. He wouldn’t budge on anything.)  Finally my water broke and we went in to get checked.  I had fluid leaking everywhere and the lab said it was NOT amniotic fluid.  A different doctor was on call and wanted nothing to do with me.  They were going to send me home.  A nurse, who was probably tired of seeing me, came in and said she was GOING to get a good sample for the lab.   It came back positive.  I was hooked up to my IV and away we went.  I wanted to time the epidural to be just like Gideons.  No pain.  Mmmmhmmm.  No.  It only took on one side, and I almost passed out.  The anesthesiologist sat by the monitor until I stopped seeing the room go black.  The only thing I was grateful for in that delivery was a healthy baby boy, and the ability to FEEL something.  Even though I hated it while it was happening, I felt the reward was greater for it.

Like Joni said in her post: PAIN has a PURPOSE

I doubt, however, that she would want me to channel that into why I have a more conservative view point.  Uh-oh.

I was watching the news this morning and they played a clip of a speech that John F. Kennedy was giving about the space program.  He said this:

“We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”

Where are the leaders like that today?  Where are the parents who teach their children those principles?  When did being born in adversity (or in todayspeak-“poverty”) and rising above it with hard work and determination become so terrible that we should actually terminate a life before he/she can ever know struggle?  And victory.  And setbacks.  And successes.  And love.  And heartbreak.   Are we saving children from poverty?  Or are we, in our limited understanding of what is good and necessary for all, doing what we think is best?  IMHO it’s not.

There are so many I shouldn’thaveto’s now.  I shouldn’t have to work at a  fast food restaurant.  I shouldn’t have to pay for college.  I shouldn’t have to pay cash for things.  I shouldn’t have to work hard for what I have.  I shouldn’t have to feel pain.

When we mess with the natural order of things, the results can be tragic.  Like messing with childbrith, we have created an expectation.  We have hammered it and twisted it until it barely resembles its former self.  Where once, we created, produced and excelled at many things we now only purchase, consume, and discard.  (I shouldn’t have to PICK UP after myself. )  Many kids won’t even sit down to learn an instrument anymore because they think they should pick up a horn and be Miles Davis in 5 minutes or less.  Homework?  I shouldn’t have to do homework.  Oh yeah, and my mom works so she shouldn’t have to help me with it.

Sigh.  So here I am and I feel helpless to change anything.  I can’t get my kids to do anything, much less see the benefit of hard work.  How can I compete when the TV, the world, and even family members are on the shouldn’thaveto train?  Wait, it sounds like I am in the middle of the hard work that will one day pay off.  I shouldn’t be complaining.  🙂

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Rant Warning!!! People Genuinely Suck-Time to Check Ourselves.

Okay, I have had it.  Up to here. Insert whatever cliché you want, I’m feeling it.  I am so over the whole mentality that I need to be a one woman snark, sass, and rudefest.  You know what?  Everyone else needs to get over it too.  Every minute of every day is somebody throwing a piss fest!  We might as well walk around going “Well I NEVER!” while staring down the bridge of our noses through glasses attached to a chain.  Our hair should also contain 20,000 bobby pins that show how pious and self righteous we are.  We should wear beige pumps that click with our fast paced fury.  You know why?

We have become a nation of pecking hens of the WORST fashion.  Ugly. Obnoxious.

Navigate to ANY website and you will see it.  Turn on the news so you can hear it.  Walk through the grocery store so you can feel it.  Sit in church so it can pop into your mind like unicorn farts.  It’s all around us.

About Mothers:  Evil. Cut throat. Venomous.  Write a blog post about breast-feeding and the bottle feeders are up in arms.  Write a post about bottle feeding and the breast feeders go bonkers.  Oh and it’s not just comments like, “Wow, you should have tried harder.”  No.  It’s “I’m sorry you were such a damned idiot and couldn’t breastfeed your child.  Maybe you should have gone to college.  Typical GOP asshole.”  Or, “Don’t you dare tell me I should have breastfed my child, keep your high and mighty opinions to yourself. Typical liberal garbage!” Better yet “You’re just mad cuz your boobs sag.”

About Religion:  Atheist:  “Your blog is a total waste.  Maybe you should have went to college instead of letting your Sky Fairy teach you about life.  Your Sky Fairy kills. ”  Or, “Go to this link and watch these Dawkins videos if you’re not too much of a typical GOP asshole, they will change your mind.”  “You are anti-science and a moron”  Christian: “Too bad you are a heathen and you are going to burn in hell. Typical liberal moron.  No God no morals.”

About Abortion: Pro Choice:  “You KILL WOMEN!”  “You are a misogynist, conservative, religious idiot!”  ” I am so SORRY you were duped into thinking abortion is wrong.  What a moron!”  “Yeah Pro life, make sure you give all the unwanted babies jobs when they are born!”  “Pro life never read a book in their lives!”  “Pick up a science book!”  “Your Sky Fairy kills more babies than anyone else!”  “I am about to serve some fetus soup, want to come over for dinner?” <<ACTUAL COMMENT.  Pro Life: “You are a murderer!  You slut, you should have kept your legs shut!”  “So what if they died in a back alley abortion, their CHOICE”  “Pick up a science book!”  “Go straight to hell you liberal piece of shit!!!” “Only mentally ill people would ever voluntarily kill their children”

Parenting:  “I would NEVER spank my child”  “How dare you leave your child in the car and step out to get the mail!  They could have died if a meteor shower hit!”  “Time out doesn’t work. YOU ARE RUINING YOUR CHILD” “Well in OUR house we NEVER say x,y,z”  “You should have your children taken away. TV is child abuse”  “People that home school are stupid and their children will grow up to be stunted psychologically.”  “You are an idiot for sending your kids to public school”  “I NEVER feel closer to one child over another. I love them all equally all the time.  You are a sick person.”  “Anyone that has more than two kids is a terrorist and is destroying the planet! Babies are ecotumors!!!”  “You know if you only have one child, they could die, then you have nothing.  You are selfish.”  “I never set my baby down for the first three years she was alive- THAT’S attachment parenting”  “Only an idiot would hold their baby like that all the time…how will he learn independence? Dumb!” “People like you, who use disposable diapers are killing the planet. Shame!”

Politicians:  Liberals: “Republicans want to kill old people and starve children!” “Sarah Palin is an uneducated piece of trash who forced the world to look at her retarded baby, and her knocked up daughter.  Shameful!”  “President Bush lied and people died! Murderer! He should be killed!!!!”  “Republicans are all closed-minded bigots who stereotype everyone!” “Conservatives are uneducated jerks who haven’t even READ the Constitution!!!”  Conservatives:  “Liberals are communist, elitist bastards who want to enslave the masses with the welfare dime” “Liberals care more about trees and animals than human beings. They LIVE to kill babies!!!”  “Liberals are smart people who went to a university and graduated with a degree in nutjobbery!!!”  “Liberals are so full of hate!  They should be run over repeatedly with a Vespa!!!” “Obama is a secret Muslim who wants Sharia law in the US!” “Liberals are OVER educated JERKS who haven’t even READ the Constitution!!”

Feeding Your Family/ The Grocery Store:  “OMGolligee you should be fined for feeding your children processed foods!”  “Why are you so stooopid?  MY grocery budget is 75 dollars a month?” “You don’t love your children if you don’t make all their food from scratch” “Sorry that you can’t do math and pay for everything with coupons.  Your children will grow up to hate you.” “Oh get over it, if you don’t let your kids have Twinkies, your sons will be rapists and your daughters will be bulemic!” “I ALWAYS sanitize my entire grocery cart with a bottle of vinegar I keep in my upcycled purse.  You must want your children to die.” ” I am so frugal that I have foregone toilet paper, and all paper products.  Bow down and worship me.” “I JAR MY OWN PICKLES.”  “Only demonic bastards give their children white flour.”

I blame high school debate.  As young people we are taught to bully other people into seeing things our way.  I debated gun control and seat belts in high school civics.  I trounced my competition!  You know what that did for me?  It made me a butt-insky!  A stinking bully!  Somebody types something and I immediately go into debate mode.  There is no seeing the other side, no appreciation of the other persons evidence.  Just go in for the kill.  Most of the time people don’t realize that BOTH sides are saying the same things about eachother!  It’s all the same bull.  Each side being so hateful that they can’t even ADMIT that there might be valid points from both sides!

The saddest part for me is, the feeling that if someone doesn’t agree with me, there is no way we can be friendly.  How many times have you or I been doing something with a friend, family member, or co worker and find out that they hold beliefs directly opposite of yours?  Is the reaction one “Hmmm, don’t agree with you on that, but we do have so much more in common, who cares?”  or is it “Wow, I cannot have someone who thinks that way in my life.  At all.” ?  I will say it, most people have the secondary reaction.  We have become such an easily offended people.  Cut people off, rather than hear them out.  They feel worthless, we feel deceived, everyone loses.

Now, to illustrate my point, I am going to randomly pick an article from CNN and FOX and post the first few comments.

Okay I went to CNN.com and closed my eyes and clicked.  The article is titled:

Former CNN president Burt Reinhardt dies at 91

Here are the comments

1.CrazyNutz

One down… more to go.
2.Bonertreat

There’s so much entertainment news out there today that CNN had to list this story twice on the page menu to make it seem important.

3.extrenix the pionner of government-controlled media.

4.nicki1980 Rest in peace Burt Reinhardt. My condolences to all who loved him

5.BuckOfama08 Any particular reason I should give a s**t, CNN???

6.gmshn if you don’t have any property will save you Hereafter, don’t esteem the goods you left on mortal world

7.WallyBalloo

Ironically, this is likely to be the least-commented article on the website….
8.gmshn

Yes, death utters this warning to us: “Your body is not composed of stone and iron, but of various materials which are always disposed to parting. Leave off your pride, understand your impotence, recognize your Owner, know your duties, learn why you came to this world!” It declares this secretly in the heart’s ear.
Now from FoxNews.com the more Conservative Site.  (Same process to choose article)

Hedge-Fund Manager Rajaratnam Found Guilty of Insider Trading

Here are the first 10 comments:
1.He might lose some weight eating dry bologna sandwiches for a few years. Put him in tent city.
2. jobs?

3.Blue Horseshoe
loves Anacott Steel

4. Those sneaky indians

5.Now go after….Barney Frank..Dodd…

Obama…

Raines…

Acorn…

Rangel…

Hollywood….

and the entire Obama administration…

Then we will have really begun targeting the true corruption.

6.We need more regulations or else Wall Street will devour America.
7.Is this one of bamy’s legal immigrants?
8.OK – so drop the sentence to 105 years, and be nice, make it concurrent, with 85% needed to be served. LOL
9.Unemployment 9%. Get a Clue.

10.don’t be successful in today ‘socialist’ world.. it might get you put in jail..

I see only a couple of comments on each article that even remotely resemble relevance.  CNN marked the importance of a presidents passing and were met with, “Who gives a shit?”  FoxNews writes an article about a wall street crook and gets fat jokes and blurbs about socialism.
The saying used to go, “If you can’t find anything nice to say…”  Now it goes “If you can’t think of a stinging retort, you are an undereducated, anti science, God hating, Sky Fairy worshipping, misogynist, who is easily duped into being inbred.”

Putting it out there to be done with it.

I wanted to title this blog “Pukefest” or “Uggggggh”.  I didn’t. Now let me make myself perfectly CLEEEEUH, I am not writing this to change opinions.  I am going to write about what I have encountered the last three days and then in closing offer my own humble opinion.  Then I wanna be done.  That won’t happen.  But, hey, a gal can dream right?

I am VERY ashamed to admit that of the few times I have been on Twitter since discovering it, I have been sucked into the vortex of the #prolife #prochoice quagmire. I am tired of my gut aching and my head splitting over it.  I am sure my pro choice counterparts experience a lot of the same reactions. It’s nauseating and from what I have experienced a total waste of time.  You can’t hide behind a keyboard and tell someone how they oughta feel.  I will admit, I have not been able to stick to the “I’s” that should be used when stressing a point.  I find it easy to slip into the “You’s”.  “You need to open a science book.” “You need to do research” “You need to go fly the proverbial kite”  Good Lord, it’s so easy.  The proper way would be to say “I understand your opinion but in my research I have discovered..x,y, and z” IMHO(in my humble opinion-for my momma) that is a much more effective way to communicate and may actually send the person on a hunt for research as well. Too bad I am much more diplomatic here than on Twitter.

So far, there are four types of people who I encounter in the battle.

Suzi SoWhat-Suzi is the laid back pro choice advocate. If you choose to carry the fetus to term or to abort it, it’s none of her business.  Just please, pretty please, don’t tell her abortion is wrong. She doesn’t want proof that the baby is human, or that abortion might be murder.  She only gets angry when pro lifers try to change laws and  threaten her right to choose.  Suzi is usually quite easy to have a conversation with. And more often than not, she is personally against abortion, but for a womans right to choose. Unfortunately, I rarely encounter Suzi.

Arleta Atheist-Ironically Arleta is the jihadist of the pro choice movement.  She doesn’t care about pictures of aborted babies.  She has a litany that spews that is reminiscent of a cult-like fervor.  The baby is NOT human.  It is a parasite, like a tumor.  A blob.  It is an invader that is unwelcome. Arleta believes that pregnancy puts her life in danger and the growing fetus is just that, a “fetus”.   Arleta also throws her hands up at any religious, or eugenics arguments.  Those are all lies and propaganda. Arleta demands that during her pregnancy the OB refer to the fetus as “the fetus”.  Until birth, Arleta thinks a fetus should never be referred to as “the baby”. Arleta believes that all pro lifers ignore science and that they cling to religious delusions.She also has a tendency to let her side of the conversation devolve into name calling and personal attacks.

(edit!!! I just got a response from one of my Arleta’s. She said she talked to her baby and played music for him. So there are subtle differences in each group!)

Cathy Conversation-Cathy is a staunch pro lifer.  Her belief may have stemmed from her faith, or from science.  She chooses to look at pregnancy and childbirth as a natural thing the body does.Cathy believes that the rights of humans should be protected no matter what stage of development they are in. Cathy wants to open a dialogue between the two sides and is armed with knowledge.  Cathy does not interject faith into the conversation unless directly asked what she believes.

Rhonda Religion-Bless Rhonda’s heart, she just wants everyone to know that the Lord loves them. Rhonda’s stance on the pro life movement is FIRMLY rooted in her faith.  God created life.  Children are a miracle from God. Like Arleta, Rhonda can sometimes be baited into responding with clichés or righteous anger. There is no gray area for Rhonda.  Life begins at conception.  Plain and simple.  Rhonda mainly uses scripture to back up her position, but she is not opposed to using science either.  But let’s make it very clear, Rhonda’s motivation is from a place of faith, not hate.

And then there is me.  Just like there is you, gentle reader.  Internally, I tend to feel like Rhonda.  Yes, I do want everyone to know the Lord loves them. But I also know that when dealing with others who do not share my faith, I can’t appeal to their logic with my faith.  I have to relate to them on their level.  So outwardly, I am more like Cathy.

Here is a brief run down on why I am pro life.

During my teens I was truly Suzi SoWhat. I was so whatever about abortion.  I knew that I would never have one. but I believed that the option needed to be there for the women who needed one.  That belief held until I was 19 and pregnant with my son Jacob.  After being ditched by his dad, I kept my sanity by going back to college.  I started with some night classes at the local community college. I took two classes in the evening (I was throwing up all day).  I don’t remember what one of the classes was, but I do remember that the other was Human sexuality.  It was a fun, lighthearted class.  It held my attention. 🙂 Then we came to the section about reproduction.  One day we had a lady from Planned Parenthood come in, on another day a lady from the local Crisis Pregnancy Center came in. (This was the Center I had to go to get a positive pregnancy test to qualify for emergency medical care from the great State of California.)  The same lady who had counseled me was the one who talked to my class.  I was 5 & 1/2 months pregnant.

The gal rolled in a tv stand with VCR into the classroom.  She spoke a little bit about abortion statistics and I was shocked.  She was the first person who told me that a woman could have a late term abortion up to the onset of labor.  That was the first time I ever heard that anyone could abort a baby after the 8 week mark of gestation.  I was floored. She went on to say that an emergency late term abortion could be obtained on the basis of certain medical, social, psychological or economical parameters being met. Economical?  So I could say I was too poor to have a baby at 38 weeks gestation? WTHeck? I could not believe what I was hearing. Then she showed us a movie that lasted about 30 minutes.  It was awful.  It showed the bodies of aborted babies, burned, dismembered.  I wanted to run out. I put my hand on my belly and just let tears run down my face as quietly as I could.  I had to look away to not have a break down.  Doctors were taking the babies body parts and tossing the heads into jars of formaldehyde and dangling tiny arms from syringes.  (Pro Choice has informed me that this is all Hollywood Special Effects. In 1993.) When it was over, I walked out and went to the bathroom and collapsed in the stall crying. Why had no one ever told me this before?

From that hour, I was Pro Life and I have never looked back.

For those who are looking for a non religious pro life group, I invite you to check out www.godlessprolifers.org.  They use pure science and logic. You can be a feminist and pro life.  Check out www.feministsforlife.orgwww.plagal.org is also another group that is left leaning and pro life. Also for medical professionals http://www.aaplog.org/

For a complete picture of my arguments against pro choice see this site http://lifestrategies.thingseternal.com/topics/abortion/prochoice-arguments.html

Please feel free to share with me how you came to your own personal decision to choose life or choice.  Please don’t put in the obligatory clichés of “keep your rosary out of my ovaries” and other such nonsense.  I want pure conversation, not conversion. Its time women started LISTENING to each other. Keep the spouting and shouting for the protest outing.

Thank you for reading my full blog and checking out the links before commenting.