Blarg, Blarg, Arghhh!!!!

Ever have one of those ridiculous diva moments?  Ever want to just sit around and watch youtube videos that make zero sense?  How about getting a case of the giggles that contorts your face into such a frightening grimace that it scares your children? Never?  Hmmm.

I guess I am coming down from some sort of knitpocalypse.  The crash that comes after finishing a brutal project.  My mind says, “But you have more projects to do, you have more projects to do!!!!!”  My back says, “Please, for the love of mayonnaise, move your butt from this spot on the couch!”  I want to go outside.  I want to put my feet in some water somewhere and not worry about sharks, jellyfish, or elections.  I don’t want to wear a sweater!  I want to let it all hang out on a beach.  If someone stares at my fat rolls, who cares????  At least I am living!

Sometimes when I am on Facebook, I want to launch into a tirade of curse words and offensive statements.  I mean REALLY offensive statements.  Just so I could giggle until I turn purple and then see how many people block me.  Kinda like the line in the movie Arthur (with Dudley Moore thank you very much) where he says “Sometimes, I just think funny things.”  I’m not crazy, I just miss the funny side of me.  I take that back, I don’t miss it.  Sometimes it wants to rear its ugly head.  Oh yeah, it’s obnoxiously ugly.  If I got paid to be a troll, I would have to think long and hard about it.  I used to troll chat rooms.  I wouldn’t try to pick fights, necessarily.  I just would pop in and type things in all caps, sit back and wait.

I’m a jerk, I guess.

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Breaking Down

In a curious stroke of luck, I had a chance to go see Breaking Dawn today.  A group of courageous women bought tickets to see the movie in Huntsville, Alabama.  Unfortunately, one had to back out.  That opened up a ticket for meeeeeeeeeeeee!

I enjoyed the Twilight series immensely.  I know, I know.  The writing was not on par with the giants of literature we all know and love.  But, sometimes you gotta let your hair down and have a little mindless fun.  When the movies came out I would watch each one and walk away unimpressed.  Blah.  Meh.  So when they announce a change in director I did leap for joy.  Anything was better than more of what they had already churned out, right?

Yep.  It’s better.  The acting, the makeup, the special effects.  The only thing I didn’t like was the score.  Through EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE. there were twinkling tonalities.  Just let these kids speak without all the music in the background!  This isn’t Gone With The Wind for crying out loud.  We don’t need Bella’s Theme, Edward’s Theme, Jacob’s Theme,  Leia’s Theme.  Just pipe down the orchestra!

Overall, good flick.  You know, for a Twilight movie.  Oh heck, with all the garbage Hollywood is churning out, it was pretty good for ANY movie.

Go sink your teeth into it!

Tee hee.  See what I did there?

The One Where I Bash Halloween

Halloween.  That long awaited eve where tiny cherubs and teenage hooligans alike dance under the moonlight, showered in a cascade of confectionery.  Puffy cheeks envelop dainties of all manner and proportion. Chubby fingers covered in the sticky gloss of booty most divine.  To this great night I say…WHAT IN THE HECK ARE WE DOING?

This ain’t the post about how EVIL Halloween is.  You are perfectly capable of Googling all of that jazz.  (BTW-It IS evil. So there.) THIS post is a jump off from I quote I heard today.  A quote from an extremely wise person.  Here it is:

“People say, ‘Halloween is for the candy and the kids’.  Yeah, so are Chi-Mo vans!”  No kidding!  Halloween is the one night a year that child molesters don’t have to waste any gas money!

“Yeah, taking the kids out for Halloween.”

“What is this…Halloween?”

“Oh, you know, you dress up your tiny tots as Pixar characters, take them around to strangers houses and ask for candy.”

“Really?  Do you drive a long distance to do this?”

“Heck, no, I just go to the neighbors’ houses.”

“Well, alrighty then.”

The whole day is just sad.   Yay, another day that I am REQUIRED to spend a ton of money on costumes, candy and decorations.  My reward?  Oh, getting fat on my kids candy until Thanksgiving.  No thanks.  Not to mention the unspoken “graduation” that occurs. You know the one:

“But Mommy, why can’t I be a Elizabeth Cady Stanton for Halloween?”

“Oh dear, you are a hoot! Everyone knows when you turn nine you have to dress like a prostitute for Halloween.”

(Child wrinkles nose in confusion.)

“Don’t worry dear, Mommy did it when she was eleven!  Be glad!  We’ve come a LONG way!”

“Annnnnnnd, you also get to Trick or Treat by YOURSELF this year while MOMMY makes margaritas.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“Oh and uh, stay away from old man Crandall’s house.”

In case you couldn’t tell, I have a slightly different opinion about Halloween.  No fear…I won’t judge you for doing it with your children.  Much.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhha!